I Have My Work Cut Out For Me

 

I had an entirely different post written and ready for today.  One I decided to scrap and re-write as it really wasn't the type of article I would like to have on my blog.  Instead of being inspiring and motivating it really resembled more of a whining and complaining type of scenario. 

2013 has been a tough year for me.  I've  faced more challenges this year than I can remember having faced in a very long time.  I don't know about you, but I find that when I am stressed and worried I tend to become a not very nice person.  My fuse is shortened, I become a bit intolerant of others and tunnel vision starts to set in.  I lose focus. 

Recently certain acts of kindness were perceived by me as personal affronts.  As far as I was concerned this person couldn't do anything right.  Everything she did upset me and the more she tried the more irritated I got.  I was sure she had ulterior motives.  I just wanted her to go away and leave me alone. 

I had to take a step back and really look at myself.  Hard.  I didn't like what I was seeing.  My behavior has left a bit to be desired lately, not to mention, my children have been witnessing this.  Not my finest hour. 

I have realized, after much prayer, thought and reflection, that I've been rather self-centered as of late and have developed a bit of a hard heart.  I've become rather cynical and more than a little resentful.  And yet, despite all the challenges this year, lately I've received many, many blessings. 

I know He wants me to place my worries with Him and soften my heart.  I've been really struggling with this lately.  I tend to try and take care of everything.  I hate to ask others for help because I falsely perceive it as a burden to others.  Yet I am always willing to help another person in need of my assistance.  I'm not good at placing my burdens with God and asking for His help either.  I need to work on that.  Because when I do my life is better. 

I need to maintain an open mind and an open heart.  I need to accept that acts of kindness are just that.  Acts of kindness.  Not attempts to undermine my abilities or invade my privacy.  Offers of help and advice are just that.  Not attempts to tell me what to do or control me. 

And I need to be better about understanding my fellow man.  Have compassion and stop being so insensitive.  Everyone has an off day.  I shouldn't take it personally.  Everyone says something that comes out wrong.  They aren't insulting me, they are just being human. 

I need to remember that no one is perfect.  Least of all me.  I have some work to do.