The Butthole Turkey

 

I had been searching high and low for a nice looking turkey figurine to place on the dining room table as part of our Thanksgiving décor and centerpiece.  I looked in stores, the mall, online, eBay, antique shops and after a few years of searching I found the one last year that was the perfect size and had the look I was going for.  And!  I found it at a thrift store so it was only $4.  Bonus!  I snapped it up and after paying for this handsome bird headed home with my new found treasure.  I was thrilled!  So very, very excited by this find.  At home I gave it a quick bath in some hot soapy water and then placed it in the dish drainer to dry while I gathered the items together to create my table centerpiece.  Once all was said and done I stepped back to gaze upon my long awaited masterpiece.  All was as I had hoped it would be and then…  I realized….  What is that?  No way!  They put a butthole on this turkey!  A very obvious butthole!

 

We’re not talking a slight possibility.  No.  An actual and very intentional butthole.  No mistaking it for something else either.  And why, I ask you, do you think it was necessary to add that little bit of rectal attraction?  It isn’t a real turkey!  And not so very lifelike in design as to require all of its reality.  But, (no pun intended) there it is in all its glory for us to gaze upon.  At the dinner table no less.

No matter how I place him somebody inevitably gets the pleasure of sitting across the table in full view of the butthole.  So what, may you ask, are we going to do about this?  Donate it back to the thrift store for someone else to enjoy?  Place a plant in front of it?  Get out the spackle?  Nope.  None of that nonsense.  He’s ours and we’re keeping him!  We just set him on the table and if you are the one who gets to sit behind his behind, then guess what?  You are the guest of honor!