Friday, April 9, 2021

Downsizing – Commitments & Projects

 


I’ve always had this idea that I had to prove, mostly to myself, that I can do it all.  Well guess what?  Right now I can’t and upon further reflection I don’t really want to anymore.  I’ve done plenty and I can now get through life by doing much less.  So that is what I plan to do.

 


Right now I am focusing the majority of my time and energy on two major areas in my life - my health and my job.  Due to recent events it seems prudent for me to shift my attention in this direction.   My health has been one of those things I’ve focused on but haven’t always devoted a ton of attention to.  At the same time I need to focus on my job for a variety of reasons.  One, it is a substantial part of our current income and provides us with our health insurance.  Second, it can be a great source of stress so I am taking steps to reduce it as well as utilizing my personal time off so I am spending less time there.  Third, I enjoy my job very much and find it rewarding and fulfilling.  It fills my tank.  Fourth, it is how I will complete my plan for early retirement.

 


Next on my list is my family, which may surprise you that this is not number one right now.  My family is most important, however not in terms of my time and energy.  My girls are at the age where they are both very capable, independent young women and they don’t need me as much as they did when they were younger.  They still have my love, guidance and encouragement whenever they need it, but in terms of time and energy they can pretty much do for themselves.  As far as the other family members go they’re on their own and can do for themselves completely.  They don’t need me to do anything for them except occasionally visit and keep in touch.

 


I am going to be perfectly honest about this one, but last on my list is friends and acquaintances.  I flat out do not have the time or the energy right now to keep up on this one so of all the commitments I have this is the one area I have chosen to place on the back burner.  I am not an overly social person, meaning I do not have that need to be with other people.  Because of that I feel very comfortable doing this.  My group of friends is such too that they don’t need to be with me on a regular basis either and when we do get together we just enjoy our brief time together and then go on our merry little way.

 


Along with downsizing my commitments I’ve gone back through my goals list for 2020 and culled it once again by about half.  I don’t need to do a lot of the projects on that list this year and will approach the rest as I can.  I may have to ask for help or even hire a few things done, but I personally do not need to do it all.  And there is no shame or guilt in this decision whatsoever.  As far as I’m concerned I’ve done more than enough to prove myself as a hard working individual.  And I am a good person.  I don’t need to prove anything anymore.  Whether anyone else agrees isn’t important.  I know what I know.

 


Having made the decision to downsize these areas has been tremendously liberating and has made me feel much better moving forward.  It doesn’t mean I care any less about anything it just simply means I have rearranged my areas of focus and where I wish to expend my time and energy.  My girls are completely in support of my decision too and are actually very happy about it.  They have long felt I work too hard and do too much and it is time to scale back on things.  Having them understand and support me in this decision means everything to me.  I feel so blessed to have a strong support system.

 

15 comments:

  1. Sounds like you are on the right track in all areas of your life.

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    1. I sure hope so Claudia. This has been a crazy ride lately.

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  2. It's wonderful that you've been able to step back & evaluate what's working for you, and what's' not possible right now. It can be hard to cut out things that are a problem, but it's necessary. I made a hard decision over the last month (to sell our vacation house, which our extended family uses quite a bit), knowing lots of other people would be quite disappointed. It was hard for me, as it makes me feel like I let other people down. But, our money, our time, our choice. It will reduce our stress tremendously not to have to worry about it, and gives us more financial flexibility, of course.

    Good luck with all of your plans for the year.

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    1. I'm not a selfish person at all, but I really need to focus on me right now. I think it is great that you decided to let the vacation property go for your sake regardless of what anyone else may have thought. I'm sure it is a big relief.

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  3. I also can not do everything anymore. I have RA which really limits me. I can no longer work 7 days a week, I went to 6 days about 7 years ago and when the pandemic started I had to go to five days. No more part time work in addition to my full time job. My husband (who is disabled from being a cancer survivor) we no longer are able to refinish and sell furniture as a side gig, stopped that last year. My husband just could not do it anymore. Because of my anxiety I only have a couple of acquaintances that I will talk to from time to time. My days are filled with working from home full time, cleaning my house and our divorced daughter and our 2 grandchildren live with us. So I do have a very nice family unit here in the house! It's all I need. I do have to start taking better care of my health. I am overweight and need to lose approx 70 pounds. My RA can make it hard for me to walk or stand for longer than 15 minutes. I went to the doctor yesterday and she wants me to walk as exercise for 30 minutes a day.

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    1. Walking is the best exercise you can do, especially with arthritis. I am so glad I get to continue my walking routine. I can't go fast like I used to and no hills right now, but that's okay. I'll get back to it eventually. :)

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  4. I think you are amazing in what you accomplish! Focusing on your health is the most important thing you can do right now; very wise choice.
    Your hard work has paid off and it's time for you to step back and enjoy the fruits.
    Wishing the best for you as you re-priotize.

    Susan

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    1. Thank you Susan. As a mom you don't really put yourself first in anything. Now is my time.

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  5. Your words ring so true to me. I didn't even have to have a health crisis to cull my commitments! I understand your hierarchy regarding your family. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll be no good to them if they face an emergency. A moment of great parental pride was when my eldest was a newly licensed driver, and somehow (stupidly) managed to get our truck stuck. He called AAA first, then us to tell us he was on his way home. Some of my others need a bit more guidance in connecting the dots, but, as a rule, they are left to their own devices to manage the things that are age appropriate for them to manage. As they are all either young or almost adults, that's a loooong list. As for friends, well, I have a few friends with whom I spend time, but that time is typically spent doing things like sharing rides to run errands, learning a new skill or taking hikes. Anything else was just time I didn't have to spare. To this end, I deleted my FB account for a good many years. I only opened a new one to keep up with extended family during COVID. I also don't have a phone/can't text. We have a household flip phone which I take with me in the car, should I find myself in need.

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    1. The time is definitely now for me to make these changes. I only use my phone to make calls and send texts. I really don't like them and never have.

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  6. If you don't take care of your health, you won't be there for anyone. So, what you are doing is very prudent.

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  7. Hi - I have had a lot of time lately recovering from surgery - so I read your blog from day one all the way thru - what a ride that has been. Once I blogged you that if I had a daughter I'd want her to be like you - now I am not so sure - you are way too hard on yourself - I'm old enough to be your Mother and I was exactly like you most of my life - then I got very ill (ovarian cancer) and reflected on my life - go - go - go- setting goals all the time - most of which I accomplished but at what cost - Please be good to yourself - you do not have to explain or justify anything to anyone - to thy own self be true. Don't stop blogging. You will always have so much to tell us. We have watched your daughters grow up (you must be so proud) and we will forever want to hear how they are doing and I am sure your future will be full of wonderful stories - just relax and take one day at a time. You truly could turn this blog and your life into a novel - you may think not - BUT yes you could - you are anything but boring - Please love yourself more and don't over think everything (which I always did - to no avail) just a day at time - You really mean a lot to a lot of people - Mary Ellen
    ''

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    1. Thank you Mary Ellen. I appreciate your words. I know it isn't necessary for me to "do it all" and I no longer plan to. :)

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  8. Thank you for this! I have been running what feels like non stop since we moved in November between work (I am currently doing the work of multiple people),a complete remodel of our old apt (almost done,thankfully), my Mom's dementia and finding caregivers from 1000 miles away (found 2 but need 1 more to cover gaps). I am looking forward to warmer weather and lots of walks.

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