I Wanted A Fresh Start

The biggest reason I decided to move to Arizona last year was because I felt, at the time, I needed a fresh start.  A whole new chapter in my life in a whole new place.  I was so excited about it.  My children were excited too.

It didn't happen.

In spite of all my best efforts and good intentions so many weird things happened to us last summer that kept impeding our ability to go.  Everything from strange delays beyond my control to mechanical trouble.  There was even a flash flood at one point.  After awhile I began to feel I was meant to stay here.  It wasn't until I finally conceded to that idea that things began to settle down but it still took me awhile to get there.

Looking back at my posts just over a year ago when we set up our new to us RV and moved into it I sounded like I was fine with the way things were going.  I have to admit I was so pissed off.  I did not want to be here.  I wanted to be somewhere else.  I wanted my fresh start.

I remember after the girls went to school one morning and I was sitting at the table, drinking my coffee and shopping on Craigslist for a bigger pickup truck.  I was still thinking I was going to get out of here.  As I scrolled through all the listings I heard this colossal boom just to my right and I knew exactly what that was.  I didn't even want to go outside.  But I finally did.

One of the four tires on the trailer had just suddenly blown out.  Not just a little blow out either.  We are talking major.  Do you think God was trying to tell me something?  I think He was serious.  I needed to stay here.

Why?

For months I tried to figure it out and as the weather got colder and we dealt with sub zero temperatures, power outages and frozen water lines I got more and more irritated.  The more irritated I got the more crap kept happening.  And then finally I got a clue.

I stopped being irritated and started to seriously embrace what I had and where I was.  I know I drove my one of poor friend's nearly out of his mind but he stuck it out knowing I'd come to terms with things.  More than once he told me to just calm down and get my shit together.  He was so glad when I finally did.  And guess what?

Everything is okay.  I'm okay, my kids are okay.  My friends still love me.  Not a single one of them has said "sure wish you had moved".  And I gave them plenty of reason to feel that way, I'm afraid.  I was not a happy camper.

Life is great.  It really, really is.  And I'm finding I didn't have to move out of state to get my fresh start because I'm getting it now.  Finally. 

And I'm excited too.