I submitted my
resignation, my last day of work was March 31st and my first official day of retirement
began on April Fool's Day of all days.
Am I a fool? I now know I
would've been a fool to continue working.
I placed myself on house arrest for the entire month of April and even went so far as to declare it a no spend month. I know me. Before I even submitted my resignation I was making lists of all the things I needed to get done right out of the chute. The list was HUGE and ridiculous. I threw it away. I knew I wasn't in very good shape, physically or mentally. I just didn't realize how bad I actually was until I was face to face with myself every day, no distractions. The sheer physical exhaustion was almost overwhelming. I couldn't seem to get enough rest, I was so incredibly tired. The emotional exhaustion was unbelievable too. Those first few weeks were a struggle and initially I kept chastising myself for not being productive or motivated enough. Once I realized what I was doing I stopped that.
Fortunately,
I've had plenty of time to come to terms with all the things I've been feeling,
thinking and dealing with. The biggest
realization occurred one morning when I woke up with this one very real
thought. My workplace was incredibly
toxic. The environment and the culture in
which we worked was not mentally healthy and the sheer enormity of the amount of
work each of us was expected to perform was outrageous. It is no wonder so many of my colleagues are
sick and several have actually died.
Young. Stress makes people ill
and it will kill you. Oddly, I almost
feel like I was released from prison and now I'm having to acclimate to life on
the outside. It is really hard to
describe.
Now I get up
each morning and I thank the Lord for the day he has given me. I sip my coffee and I breathe. I only do the things I want to do. It has been just over a year since my last
heart attack at the age of 56 and now, I finally get to heal. My only focus is to get better, stronger and to
have my life back. On my terms. No giant lists of things I need to get done,
no commitments or obligations I don't want to do. Just living my best life. I've got a ways to go, but in time I know I'll
get there.
So glad you were able to see the situation clearly and made the decision to take care of yourself! I hope your health continues to improve.
ReplyDeleteMe too Brooke. Thank you.
DeleteGood for you to realize this - I was in a similar position as you earlier this year (retired in January) and took on other projects before I should have - big mistake! I also needed more time to just recover. Today's workplaces can be toxic and the unfortunate are those of us who have to work there - glad you made it out before any more damage was done.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your retirement. I'm so glad I am no longer a part of that environment.
DeleteAmen sister! Congratulations on the realization that you must allow yourself time to recover so that you can proceed with LIVING each day in a manner that makes you happy to be alive :-)
ReplyDeleteLIVING is nice!
DeleteSo happy that you are happy! Keep up both blogs, love reading them!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I will try. ;)
DeleteThose last sentences were wonderful to read. Yes, you take care of YOU. I am just back to work after being sick for 5 days and off for 7. I was so so sick on Sunday. Turned the corner and was better Monday. I stressed about not going to work on Tuesday but my bosses said " not until Thursday." After I got that news on Tuesday, I took 4 naps throughout the day. Wednesday I just, was. I only did what I felt I could and since I wasn't sleeping well in the night I just took it easy. And today I was able to work an entire day. I'm tired tonight but it's a normal, worked all day tired. Not sick exhaustion. We need to listen to our bodies and what God tells us to do or not do. Glad you did that and are healing.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you were sick, but very glad to hear you are doing better. Take care of yourself!
DeleteI left work in 2018. Not really planned but due to enormous stress. It was going to kill me. Thankfully we were mortgage and debt free. That’s the only way I could’ve done it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you were able. :o)
DeleteCool beans on the retirement, bummer that it had gotten so bad at work you had to rescue yourself though. And well done on tossing that project list, especially before even starting on them. When DS bought his house, I warned him against starting too many projects at once - it will go great for a short time, then you hit the wall of being overwhelmed at the too much-ness of all that needs done.
ReplyDeleteTrue. Burnout can occur even when you are doing something you love.
DeleteSo glad you are taking care of you! I'm glad you are out of that environment. Keep living your best life!
ReplyDeleteI sure will Kathy. :0)
DeleteI was thinking you should have ended with a definition for "freedom." So glad you could do this. And it will continue to feel a little strange! (We went through it, with the Brick's retirement.)
ReplyDeleteI've been wondering...how are the chickens? You haven't mentioned them for a while. Kitties, neither.
True! That part hasn't fully hit me yet. LOL
DeleteFunny, I have a post coming up about the chickens, so stay tuned.
I retired 1/1/2020 and I still don't take for granted being able to enjoy a leisurely cup of tea after breakfast every morning. I am so grateful for not having to rush anymore. That alone is very healing.
ReplyDeleteAfter 6 months of retirement, I was very surprised to be asked to teach 4th grade science in a local homeschool academy that met in person for the entire pandemic. It's a job totally outside my skillset, yet it's such a wholesome organization that I have absolutely loved teaching those kids. You may find that the perfect job lands in your lap completely unbidden at just the right time. Keep an open mind...
That is wonderful Elaine. If my dream job presents itself I'd totally be open to that! :)
DeleteI breathed a sigh of relief when you said you had retired. It was a long time coming but is the right decision. You have earned the right to rest.
ReplyDeleteJeannie@GetMetoTheCountry
Thank you Jeannie. I appreciate that.
Delete