I have waffled back and forth on whether or not I'd write this post, but I figured maybe, just maybe, I might be able to touch someone else. Assure them that they are not alone in their personal struggles. So here goes, I'm going to share with all of you one of my personal struggles.
Cold winters are really hard for me and this past winter has been no exception. I get cold easily anyway and once I'm cold I really struggle to get warm again and to stay warm. I wear sweaters year around. It seems that once the weather warms up and I start to get comfortable then the A/C gets turned on. My favorite thing to do is crawl into my hot car at the end of a work day and soak up that eat. I seldom turn the A/C on in the car when I head for home in the summer. I love the heat.
When I'm cold I ache terribly. Arthritis flares up more when I'm cold and really plagues me throughout the winter. I also have trouble keeping my hands and feet warm enough to keep Chilblains at bay. Once that starts it usually sticks with me until late spring. If you don't know what Chilblains is click here for an explanation.
While my overactive immune system is great for keeping me from catching colds and the flu very often, it also wears me out to the point that I almost feel like I have the flu anyway. It's kind of crazy. This year there was so much crud going around at work my immune system was in hyperdrive for a long time.
After hurting my back this winter (shoveling all of that snow we got )I have to admit, I got really scared. I've never hurt myself that badly before and it really knocked the wind out of my sails. I realized I can't ever let that happen again. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not superwoman. I really can't do it all. And that realization didn't set too well with me.
I'm very fortunate in the fact that I had a lot of friends who offered to help me out when I was laid up. But, I'm extremely independent and the fact that I needed to ask for help nearly did me in. Prideful? Just a touch, but a lot of who I am is the fact that I take care of myself and my family. I take care of it all. However, occasionally we all find ourselves needing a helping hand from time to time. It's a fact of life. So I set my pride aside and accepted the help I needed.
My co-worker helped me by clearing the snow off of my car each evening so I could just get in and head for home. My friends offered to come over and shovel snow, but the girls managed it just fine. Another friend came over and put the mailbox back up when someone ran into it and knocked it over. My girls picked up the slack with the cooking and cleaning (those snow days came in pretty handy). My daughter's friend's parents helped with picking up and dropping my kids off at various school functions. I recuperated and eventually was able to get back to taking care of things.
Four years ago I tried to move to a warmer area, but despite all of my best intentions a series of strange things happened. After awhile I had to sit back and take a serious look at what I was doing and wonder if there was a reason I shouldn't be moving. It was really weird. Once I decided to stay in Boise everything fell into place, for the most part. It wasn't until we moved back into our house, however, that things really seemed to turn around.
|Leonard and I both hurt ourselves this winter so we recuperated together|
I love my home. I appreciate all that I have and I am truly grateful for all of the many blessings I've received. But I know that I can't continue to handle these winters like I have been. It is hard on my body and as a result it becomes hard on my spirit. I don't really want to have another winter like the one we just had.
Now I just have to figure out what the right thing to do will be. That is the hardest part, I think. I thought I had it figured out four years ago and to try and make that move again kind of scares me. Maybe I need to do something different altogether. Completely different.
I'm sure I'll figure it out.